But here I’d like to bring up a somewhat trickier, more challenging proposition: talking with your son who has Aspergers Disorder or [...]]]> I know that this sounds like an utterly uncontroversial bit of encouragement; surely everyone believes that parents should speak to their children about sex – providing them with information, guidance, and moral direction. 

But here I’d like to bring up a somewhat trickier, more challenging proposition: talking with your son who has Aspergers Disorder or High-Functioning Autism (HFA) about sex.  I suspect that many parents think that there’s far less urgency to talk with these boys about sex.  Consistent with their general social deficits and lack of peer interaction, boys on the Autism Spectrum begin to date much later than do their non-Autistic peers and sexual activity starts significantly later. 

I believe, however, that it as least as important to speak with these boys about sex.  Because of the rigidity in their thinking, their confusion about “gray areas” and subtle nuances of interpersonal interactions, I have found that kids and teenagers with Aspergers or HFA are often extremely confused about various aspects of sexuality and harbor significant distortions in their understanding.  I believe that this tendency is maintained and amplified by their social isolation: they do not have the sort of friendships and peer interactions in the context of which they could bounce their thoughts off of others.

These points were brought home to me very dramatically over the past few months when pre-teens and teens in my middle school and high school groups brought up sexual topics for discussion in group.  In the context of the ensuing discussion I saw the extent of their confusion which, in a couple of examples, was a source of considerable distress.  One boy recalled a time when he was playing with a female friend of the family and, to his shock and horror, found himself getting an erection.  This signified to him that there must be something terribly wrong with him and rarely has a day gone by since then when he has not mentally “beat himself up” over this.  Another time, the topic of pornography came up.  A boy commented that babies see pornography all the time.  I asked him what he meant by that and he replied “breast-feeding.”  To him, a breast, since it represents an erotic image for him is, ipso facto, pornographic.  Another boy picked up on this point, commenting that while people think that there’s more pornography in the United States, really there’s much more in Europe, since they have lots of nude and topless beaches there.  Again, to this boy, nudity equaled pornography.

I encourage all parents – and especially those with children who have Aspergers or High-Functioning Autism – to open a dialogue with their children about sex.  You will be helping them immeasurably if they can gain assistance in understanding this part of life which is so confusing for all adolescents, and that much more confusing for them.