Kids document their story from  before, during and after a loss to understand, express and grieve. They do this by creating videos that include photos, mementos, original art, voiceovers and favorite music. They will use the seven step digital storytelling process to create an unforgettable documentary.

Participants will need their own laptop [...]]]>

Kids document their story from  before, during and after a loss to understand, express and grieve. They do this by creating videos that include photos, mementos, original art, voiceovers and favorite music. They will use the seven step digital storytelling process to create an unforgettable documentary.

Participants will need their own laptop and digital camera at each session.

Group Leader: Ginger Poole, LPCA, Art Therapist

Mendel Psychological Associates

Grades 7-8  -  Three Mondays (6:00-7:30PM)Aug. 16^th, Aug. 23, Aug. 30

Grades 9-12  – Three Thursdays (6:00-7:30PM) Aug. 19th, Aug. 26th, Sept 2,

Call Ginger Poole at 919-876-1314 or email gingerpoole@drmendel.com

Mendel Psychological [...]]]> Join other parents for this one time session to share experiences, offer hope and express yourself through an easy art exercise. No talent is needed and you don’t have to be able to draw. Come and let yourself receive support and encouragement during this difficult time.

Sunday, August 22, 2 PM-3:30PM

Mendel Psychological Associates, 1.5 hours, $35

Leader: Ginger Poole, LPCA,  Art Therapist

Call Ginger Poole at 919-876-1314 to register

Join other parents with kids on the spectrum to explore feelings of joy and complexity, excitement and exhaustion. You’ll be choosing images and combining them in such a way to learn about yourself and your child. You’ll be sharing your experiences and insights with others and you will be receiving encouragement from the group.

Saturday, August 28, 2 PM-3:30 PM

Mendel Psychological Associates (Directions) $35

Register online now or call Ginger Poole at 919-876-1314

During the session we will as a group do [...]]]> This 1.5 hour session centers around sharing with other parents the positive and challenging things that you deal with on a day to day basis while parenting a teen. You’ll find support in the midst of the group and have a safe place to share.

During the session we will as a group do one activity that will consist of choosing photographs to make a collage. This is a “no talent” exercise and will not be judged on aesthetic quality but will be used to learn about yourself and explore your relationship with your teenager. Many people find in this exercise an enlightening, easy and fun way to get insight without having to do a lot of talking.

Come and join us  on Saturday, August 14th  for a short time of rest and a time to spend allowing others to support you.

Saturday August 21st 2:00 PM – 3:30 PM

Mendel Psychological Associates (Directions) $35

Register by calling Ginger Poole at 919-876-1314 or email gingerpoole@drmendel.com

We hope that you can join us.

But here I’d like to bring up a somewhat trickier, more challenging proposition: talking with your son who has Aspergers Disorder or [...]]]> I know that this sounds like an utterly uncontroversial bit of encouragement; surely everyone believes that parents should speak to their children about sex – providing them with information, guidance, and moral direction. 

But here I’d like to bring up a somewhat trickier, more challenging proposition: talking with your son who has Aspergers Disorder or High-Functioning Autism (HFA) about sex.  I suspect that many parents think that there’s far less urgency to talk with these boys about sex.  Consistent with their general social deficits and lack of peer interaction, boys on the Autism Spectrum begin to date much later than do their non-Autistic peers and sexual activity starts significantly later. 

I believe, however, that it as least as important to speak with these boys about sex.  Because of the rigidity in their thinking, their confusion about “gray areas” and subtle nuances of interpersonal interactions, I have found that kids and teenagers with Aspergers or HFA are often extremely confused about various aspects of sexuality and harbor significant distortions in their understanding.  I believe that this tendency is maintained and amplified by their social isolation: they do not have the sort of friendships and peer interactions in the context of which they could bounce their thoughts off of others.

These points were brought home to me very dramatically over the past few months when pre-teens and teens in my middle school and high school groups brought up sexual topics for discussion in group.  In the context of the ensuing discussion I saw the extent of their confusion which, in a couple of examples, was a source of considerable distress.  One boy recalled a time when he was playing with a female friend of the family and, to his shock and horror, found himself getting an erection.  This signified to him that there must be something terribly wrong with him and rarely has a day gone by since then when he has not mentally “beat himself up” over this.  Another time, the topic of pornography came up.  A boy commented that babies see pornography all the time.  I asked him what he meant by that and he replied “breast-feeding.”  To him, a breast, since it represents an erotic image for him is, ipso facto, pornographic.  Another boy picked up on this point, commenting that while people think that there’s more pornography in the United States, really there’s much more in Europe, since they have lots of nude and topless beaches there.  Again, to this boy, nudity equaled pornography.

I encourage all parents – and especially those with children who have Aspergers or High-Functioning Autism – to open a dialogue with their children about sex.  You will be helping them immeasurably if they can gain assistance in understanding this part of life which is so confusing for all adolescents, and that much more confusing for them.

When we got there, he took me by the hand and pulled me to take him [...]]]> My two year old son was so excited that we were going to the ocean that he couldn’t sleep the night before.  “Idemo na more!” (Serbian for “We’re going to the beach,”) he kept calling out from his bed.

When we got there, he took me by the hand and pulled me to take him to the ocean.  We got to a gate and he called out “Abre,” which, as he has learned from Go Diego Go, causes gates to open.  Once through, he ran as fast as his little legs could carry him toward the ocean.

And then we were on the beach.  I asked him if he wanted to walk or to sit and he said he wanted to walk.  But once we’d gone over the last little drop-off and were near the water, he sat down.  I sat down next to him and he slid over close to me, snuggled up against me.  I put my arm around him and started asking him if he liked just looking out over the water and listening to the waves crash.  Then, I realized, “what in the world am I doing?” I’m trying to teach this perfect being to appreciate something that he already appreciates with a mindfulness, a fullness, a calm, a peace, a quiet, and a tranquillity to which I can only aspire.

So I stopped talking. And we sat there in silence for about 10 minutes, looking out over the ocean and listening to the waves crash.

My son is rarely quiet, rarely not in motion.  But for this, to drink in the transcendent beauty of the ocean, both he and I sat in quiet wonderment.

Finally, as if to signal that the time for sitting had come to an end, my son said “the waves crash,” stood up and said ”swimming water” (the pool) and started his walk back.

The necessity of both components – and a reasonable balance between the two – is certainly not unique to post-divorce families; similar issues and similar complications arise [...]]]> I believe that there are two essential components of parenting:

1. providing warmth, comfort, nurturance and affection; and
2. providing structure, rules, discipline and a sense of responsibility and accountability.

The necessity of both components – and a reasonable balance between the two – is certainly not unique to post-divorce families; similar issues and similar complications arise in most families. I have seen intact families manage the issue in a variety of ways. In many families, one parent is the primary source of affection and comfort and the other provides most of the structure and discipline. I can’t tell you how many times a parent during an initial intake interview states that “I’m the disciplinarian in the family.” My personal preference is for each parent to participate extensively in both aspects of parenting. I think it is good for a child to see both mom and dad as sources of warmth and nurturance on the one hand and responsibility and accountability on the other. But I have seen many, many families in which a division of the roles works quite well.

I should emphasize that I view each of the two parental roles as absolutely essential and of equal importance. Neither should be viewed as secondary to the other.

Post-Divorce Families

The situation becomes far more complicated after a parental separation. Obviously, from this point forward, the child or children are with only one of their parents at a time. If a parent has heretofore functioned almost exclusively as a disciplinarian or primarily as a loving “buddy” to his or her child, he or she is likely to be ill-prepared to provide the other essential aspects of parenting. Functioning alone as a parent, he or she cannot rely on the other parent to provide the complementary duties.

Often, in post-divorce families, each parent views the other as inadequate in one or the other area of parenting. This may stem from the earlier patterns during their marriage in which each parent emphasized either discipline & structure or warmth and affection. During the marriage, the child could still be provided with all the necessary components of good parenting. After the divorce, he or she alternates, getting more comfort from and play with one parent and more structure and sense of responsibility from the other.

While this is likely to be confusing and distressing to the child, unfortunately the situation often worsens as time goes on. I have found that a sort of “dance” goes on between the parents, with each trying to balance out perceived deficits on the part of the other parent. For example, a mother who has traditionally provided the bulk of the rules and discipline may see the father as impossibly lax, as a “good-time parent,” a “buddy” to their child incapable of providing adequate structure and discipline. As a result, she may escalate her own level of rules and discipline to ensure that their child is learning appropriate lessons. The father, meanwhile, may see the mother as cold and “no fun,” ridiculously extreme in her rules and overly strict in their enforcement. He responds by becoming even more lenient, focusing almost exclusively on providing fun and entertainment to their child. The parents become increasingly polarized, so that one household turns into a place of strict rules and rigidity in their application, while the other becomes a playhouse, in which appropriate bedtimes and regularity in schedule is sacrificed in favor of constant fun and entertainment.

The main message is for each parent to strive for balance in his or her household. Each parent needs to remind him- or herself that both structure & discipline and warmth and affection are absolutely essential.

Neither is more important than the other. If you are a divorced parent, take an honest look at your ability to provide both aspects of parenting. Are you better at one than the other? If so, work on strengthening the area of relative weakness. You will feel better as a parent and, most importantly, your child will benefit enormously from receiving the full range of appropriate parenting from you.