Mendel Psychological Associates' blog » Humor http://www.drmendel.com/blog Musings of a psychologist off the clock Thu, 05 Jan 2012 00:11:09 +0000 en hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 The Pain of Ending Therapy http://www.drmendel.com/blog/2008/08/06/the-pain-of-ending-therapy/ http://www.drmendel.com/blog/2008/08/06/the-pain-of-ending-therapy/#comments Wed, 06 Aug 2008 03:48:19 +0000 Dr. Mendel http://drmendel.com/DrMattBlog/?p=8 It’s easy to overlook or underestimate how attached kids can become to their therapists. This point was brought home to me in a very powerful way during graduate school, in my first year doing child therapy. I had recently told a very bright 4 year old boy with whom I had worked throughout the year [...]]]> It’s easy to overlook or underestimate how attached kids can become to their therapists. This point was brought home to me in a very powerful way during graduate school, in my first year doing child therapy. I had recently told a very bright 4 year old boy with whom I had worked throughout the year that in the near future I would no longer be able to work with him, since I would be moving to a different internship (well, I didn’t explain it in quite those terms to him). A couple of sessions later, little Alan and I were playing Cowboys and Indians and he suddenly blurted out, “my therapy has been ruined!” I asked him why he had said that and he replied, “oh, that’s just an old saying that cowboys used to say.” Images of John Wayne spurring his horse on while calling out “my therapy has been ruined” rushed through my mind. But beneath the humor of the situation, and beneath Alan’s attempt to cover up his sense of pain and loss, lay his powerful feelings of sadness at the impending departure of his therapist. Since that day, I have tried my best to handle separations sensitively & patiently, recognizing that even in relatively brief therapeutic relationships, powerful bonds are formed and the severing of those bonds can be a very painful experience.

]]> http://www.drmendel.com/blog/2008/08/06/the-pain-of-ending-therapy/feed/ 1 You don’t have to be good at everything, or Lessons from Losing http://www.drmendel.com/blog/2008/08/06/you-dont-have-to-be-good-at-everything-or-lessons-from-losing/ http://www.drmendel.com/blog/2008/08/06/you-dont-have-to-be-good-at-everything-or-lessons-from-losing/#comments Wed, 06 Aug 2008 03:36:32 +0000 Dr. Mendel http://drmendel.com/DrMattBlog/?p=6 I am a truly terrible artist. If I try to draw something, it ends up with no resemblance whatsoever to what I was attempting to draw. I used to work with a family with 3 children, all of whom were fabulous artists. Fairly often, I have children do drawings as part of therapy. One day, [...]]]> I am a truly terrible artist. If I try to draw something, it ends up with no resemblance whatsoever to what I was attempting to draw. I used to work with a family with 3 children, all of whom were fabulous artists. Fairly often, I have children do drawings as part of therapy. One day, the 7 year old daughter, whom I shall call Daphne said the words that brought dread to my heart: “you draw something too.” Dutifully, I took crayon in hand and drew one of the few things I knew how to draw (or so I thought) — a swan on water. You know the picture, essentially a big number 2 with wings & feathers floating on a bunch of little squiggles. Daphne looked at my picture and in a tremendously supportive voice said “that’s ok; I used to draw swans that way, too.” I suspect that Daphne’s a therapist now.

Well, many years later, my drawing disability continued unabated. Then, I had a life-changing experience. We had a game night with a number of friends and the decision was made to play Pictionary. I considered feigning a heart attack or a seizure to get out of it, but decided to stick it out. We played. I was without a doubt the worst player. And I had a wonderful time! This was the first time in my life that I really enjoyed something without feeling that I had to excel at it. I have always been a pretty driven person, striving for excellence in everything I do. Here, for the first time, I felt that I could simply relax and enjoy something with full knowledge that I was lousy at it. It was, truly, a freeing experience. I wish only that I had realized that such a thing was possible many years earlier. So, if this little life lesson can free someone up to gain pleasure in an activity at which he or she lacks talent, that would really make my day.

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