Joining a Social Skills Group

Perhaps the most frequent call or e-mail I receive is to inquire about joining one of the Social Skills groups I lead.  So, the following is a description of the groups and of the procedures for joining.

I lead three groups – one for 5^th and 6^th graders, one for 7^th and 8^th graders, and one for high school students.  Children and teenagers with a variety of psychiatric diagnoses are in these groups, but the common thread is that all of these kids have been on the fringes of social groups throughout their lives.  These are kids who have struggled chronically to make friends and keep friends; many or most have suffered teasing, rejection, bullying, and humiliation at the hands of their peers.  Some of the kids in my groups have the diagnosis of Aspergers Disorder; others have High-Functioning Autism.  Others are extremely shy or socially anxious.  Still others do not have a specific diagnosis along these lines but are awkward socially and have various difficulties with their peers.

When these kids join one of my groups, they quickly realize – typically within the first session or two –that here is a totally different social setting.  Here is a place where there will be no teasing, where they can fit in and find a sense of belonging for which they have yearned so desperately.  They see that here are other kids who have had similar experiences and suffered similar pains over rejection and teasing as they have.  In short, here is a place where they can fully fit in with and be accepted by their peers.  I find that kids in these groups generally love the groups and look forward to coming each week.  For many, the group is a highlight of their week.

All of my groups are non time-limited; that is, there is no start date and end date.  Kids join the groups at various points and remain in the group until they, their parents, and I feel that they have gotten what they need and can from group and they are ready to move on.  At that point, we have a graduation ceremony (and pizza party) to commemorate their time in group and what they have gained through group.

Currently, the youngest group meets on Wednesdays from 3:30 to 4:45, the middle school group meets on Thursdays from 5:00 to 6:15, and the high school group meets on Thursdays from 6:30 to 7:45.  The fee for each group is $80.00 per group session.  The maximum size for the younger two groups is 6 students, while the high school group has a maximum of 8 students.  (It is an interesting and, I think, heartwarming story how the maximum size for the high school group increased from 6 to 8.  At one point, we had a boy waiting to join group a few weeks before another boy was set to graduate.  I asked the group how they would feel if we briefly had 7 students in the group, so he could join now rather than waiting for the graduation.  They responded enthusiastically, saying that of course he could and asking if we could just have more kids in the group all the time.  One said, “That way we could make even more friends.”  Here are a group of kids who have generally dreaded social interactions because of their negative and painful experiences with their peers.  Now, they look forward to these interactions and welcomed the opportunity to meet new potential friends.)

The procedure for joining group is as follows:

• I always have the first session with parent or parents.  In this session, I obtain a thorough history and background, including a clear sense of the problems and concerns.  I learn about the child’s interests and his social history, including peer interactions and friendships.  The fee for the initial intake is $180.00
• Then, I have an individual session with the child or teenager.  A portion of this session is spent with the child and his parent(s), with a portion one-to-one with me.  This meeting is largely so that he and I can get to know each other, so he doesn’t walk into his first group meeting not knowing the other kids or me.  I also learn about his perspective on social situations and what areas of his life aren’t going as well as he’d like.
• Finally, during that meeting, we develop a behavioral contract.  All of the kids in each of my groups are on individual behavioral contracts, based on their particular areas of difficulty.  They work on these at home and the contracts are reviewed between parent(s) and child on a daily basis, with the parent scoring the child’s performance on each goal.  The child gets points from these contracts which they can use, along with points they earn during the group itself, to purchase items from the “reward closet.”  This serves as big motivator for many of these kids.

In reading this, many of you may have noticed that I always refer to a child or adolescent as “he.”  Currently, all of the kids in each of my groups are male.  I am open to including girls in group if there are 2 or more ready to join group.  Over the years, I have had occasional referrals of girls to my groups, but it always seems to be just one at any given point in time and neither or nor her parents want her to be the only girl in a group of boys.  There have been some occasions when 2 girls have been members of a middle school or high school group and this has gone quite well.  I would welcome this opportunity again, since learning to interact with members of the opposite sex is certainly among the most vital social skills.

It is my great pleasure to offer these groups to kids with pressing social needs.  I hope this blog entry provides all of the information needed for you, as a parent, to move ahead with getting help for your child.