The Pain of Ending Therapy

It’s easy to overlook or underestimate how attached kids can become to their therapists. This point was brought home to me in a very powerful way during graduate school, in my first year doing child therapy. I had recently told a very bright 4 year old boy with whom I had worked throughout the year that in the near future I would no longer be able to work with him, since I would be moving to a different internship (well, I didn’t explain it in quite those terms to him). A couple of sessions later, little Alan and I were playing Cowboys and Indians and he suddenly blurted out, “my therapy has been ruined!” I asked him why he had said that and he replied, “oh, that’s just an old saying that cowboys used to say.” Images of John Wayne spurring his horse on while calling out “my therapy has been ruined” rushed through my mind. But beneath the humor of the situation, and beneath Alan’s attempt to cover up his sense of pain and loss, lay his powerful feelings of sadness at the impending departure of his therapist. Since that day, I have tried my best to handle separations sensitively & patiently, recognizing that even in relatively brief therapeutic relationships, powerful bonds are formed and the severing of those bonds can be a very painful experience.